May 2009

Girls and Boys

Do you remember the last time you rushed outside to help your child make a mud pie? Or encouraged her to climb a tree so that she could be a pirate lookout? Today? Last week? Never? Like many modern parents, you are more likely to be worrying about why your child can’t play outside, rather than sharing your own experience of playing.

As a child, I spent hours inventing complicated games with my brothers and sisters – a favourite was trying to convince the fairies at the bottom of our garden to come out and play. We would fashion mud trinkets, make flower wreaths and invent songs and dances to persuade those stubborn fairies to come out. They never did but we had the most enormous fun trying. My parents never worried about possible dangers and just expected us to go outside and play. 

My experience isn’t unique, many parents I spoke to all expressed similar thoughts about their childhood play. Sarah, a full-time Dulwich mum to Ellie, 3, says she remembers a much more carefree time as a child: “I don’t think my parents ever worried or expressed anxiety about my whereabouts.”

So what on earth has happened in the space of a generation that has made our children’s idea of play so different? And is it something that as parents we should be worried about?

These days, many children prefer to play indoors, usually on a computer or simply chill out and watch TV. This is such a significant change that our children’s minds and bodies have evolved to accommodate this new way of life. And as parents we, too, have changed. We fear for our children and would much rather keep an eye on them knowing that they are safe and sound.

So far, so what? You might be thinking. After all, this is the 21st century and we are busy people with busy lives. Our kids need to get used to it. But you would be wrong. There is a mountain of evidence suggesting our modern existence is producing the first generation of children that might die before their parents – obesity and diabetes are the biggest killers in this young age group. Along with lack of concentration, speech problems and social inexperience, we are starting to produce children who don’t know how to engage with the people around them.

For example, outdoor play is vital to a child’s social development.  Playing outside, away from adult supervision, teaches children how to make friends, resolve conflict, and be part of a group as well as acquiring ‘streetwise’ skills. This is pretty hard to do if your friends are virtual, or you have a parent or adult hovering nearby.

Alice, a part-time drama teacher and mum of two boys says that even though she understands the importance of playing outside, her fear of what might happen was greater than her desire for well-rounded children. “Herne Hill is a very friendly area but I would never let James, 4, and Eli, 3, play outside on their own. My biggest fear is that they will be kidnapped by a paedophile,” she says. “I know my fear is irrational but I really prefer them to be inside or in a class where I can keep an eye on them.”

A major study by Play England, part of the National Children’s Bureau found that 50% of children have never climbed a tree, 21% have been banned from playing conkers and 17% do not play chase games. This clearly shows that our need to protect our children has transformed how they experience childhood.  According to research, 70% of adults had their biggest childhood adventures in outdoor spaces compared to only 29% of children today.

Enough of the scary statistics! What can we do to make our children more active and to still our own very real fears of the outside world? Obviously we need to be sensible about how and when we decide our children should go out and have their own adventures. There are no rules. Most parents would agree that pre-school children need to have friendly, close-by supervision, while older children should have safe, supervised areas to play in (such as an adventure playground). By the time a child is 11-years-old, they will generally ditch their parents as quickly as possible! The point is to make a real effort to get your children involved in activities that encourage physical play outside, imaginative play anywhere and give them a sense that the world isn’t too frightening.

Here are 10 great things to do with your child that are simple and fun but will also help to develop their imagination, improve physical dexterity and co-ordination, teach them to follow simple instructions, learn to take turns, improve observation skills and give them an opportunity to re-discover the beauty of nature.

• Go out in the rain and splash in puddles
• Build a miniature mud city
• Climb a tree
• Play a ball game appropriate to your child’s age
• Go on a bear/treasure hunt through the woods
• Pick a cycle/foot path and go bird-watching
• Pack a metal detector and head out to the nearest beach
• Go camping in the garden
• Grab some friends and play “Simon Says” in the park
• Leave the car and walk to your destination discussing everything you see

To paraphrase a popular ‘70s TV programme for children: “Why don’t you switch off your TV and go and do something less boring instead”.

Further information:
Toxic Childhood by Sue Palmer (Orion £5.99)
Getting Your Kids Active by Claire Gilman (A&C Black £12.99)
Get Your Kids Fit: The Parents Guide to Healthy Happy Active Kids: Kelly Holmes (Virgin £9.98)
www.playengland.org.uk – a campaigning organisation for safe play spaces
www.fun.familyeducation.com – ideas and advice for families

 

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